You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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