Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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