I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
