she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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