Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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