Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
