i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
