I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We left the knife in your bed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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