She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
