Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
