one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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