Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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