and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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