i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
