were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
