I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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