he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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