if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
