: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
