At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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