Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
