Buhtt sex?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
