this just has baby written all over it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
