sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
