bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
