I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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