Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
