Will you blow on my dice?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
