Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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