Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
