Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
