So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
