There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
