we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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