a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
