Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
