When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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