Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
