She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
