Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How does one acquire holy water?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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