I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
