SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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