how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
