Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
