weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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