I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
