forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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