i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
