I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
