Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
