I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
